I'm trying something new -- posting in the morning before work, as by the time I get home all I want to do is pretend to be a vegetable. That said, it's 4.30 am, and here I am, typing away.
I've finally found my brain and started keeping a notebook with me. I've filled four pages with ideas and such; some may find their way into this blog, some may be saved for a future article, some may be saved for the book I'm considering. We shall see. At any rate, it should mean posts more often than once a month, which will be a good thing.
I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career as an actress. Perhaps it was sheer folly, but you never know until you try. Needless to say, in the whole "Hollywood" scheme of things, I'm on no one's radar, have recieved many an offer of extra work, and am rather fed up with the whole thing. Extra work, I've done it -- but if you do too much of it you get stuck in it, as people here in La La Land don't like to use their brains, and will not see you as anything but an extra. For those of you unacquainted with Hollywood jargon, an extra is the person in the background whom you see, but don't hear. In years past, those were termed "bit parts" and could, at some point, lead to speaking roles and such. No longer is this the case, and with over 100,000 people in Los Angeles with the same dream, getting lost in the shuffle is more often the order of the day than not. No, I am not about to make myself look like an ass solely for the purpose of getting attention -- I don't need it quite that badly, thanks.
In addition, have you seen the "women" on TV lately? They look about 16, their bodies starved and exercised down to skin and bone. Not for me, thanks; I went through my starvation phase in college. Thankfully I found my senses and realized how idiotic it was to starve myself so that some idiot would think I was pretty and worthy of a job. Fuck that.
I suppose this was a rather roundabout way of saying I'm over it. The institutionalized insecurity (thank you, Viggo Mortensen, for that phrase), the insanity of the expectation of appearing to be all of 12 years old, constantly being asked to take your clothes off, having to pay casting directors if you want an audition -- which has Billy DaMota in absolute fits. Look him up on MySpace, he posted his interview with 20/20 a while back.
The most frustrating part, at least from my perspective, is that it isn't personal. On one hand, that makes it easier to take the constant rejection. Your "look" just isn't what they're looking for, your work has nothing to do with it. On the other hand, if it were personal, you could take a class, get new headshots, do a new play, do something to improve your skills that would help you succeed. But none of that matters. It doesn't matter how good you are, it doesn't matter how hard you work. It's a constant reiteration that what you are isn't good enough. Unless, of course, you happen to come from a famous Hollywood family, and someone in said family will give you a job, or call directors for you. It will never be said that nepotism isn't alive and well in this town -- sometimes I think that's the only way to succeed out here.
Anyway, I'm over it. If acting happens to work out for me, great -- but I'm not going to be spending every waking moment on it any more. I'd prefer to concentrate on something I have a chance at success doing. Ergo, writing.
This blog is an experiment of sorts, to help me hone skills gone rusty with years of disuse, and to get back into the habit of writing every day. If it goes reasonably well, I'll be applying for graduate school next fall, which should be interesting. I should probably send an email to my writing prof from college, and see if he remembers me and my work well enough to write a letter of recommendation. One more item on the "To Do" list.
Oh, and I'm learning Persian. :) Khoda hafez!
I've finally found my brain and started keeping a notebook with me. I've filled four pages with ideas and such; some may find their way into this blog, some may be saved for a future article, some may be saved for the book I'm considering. We shall see. At any rate, it should mean posts more often than once a month, which will be a good thing.
I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career as an actress. Perhaps it was sheer folly, but you never know until you try. Needless to say, in the whole "Hollywood" scheme of things, I'm on no one's radar, have recieved many an offer of extra work, and am rather fed up with the whole thing. Extra work, I've done it -- but if you do too much of it you get stuck in it, as people here in La La Land don't like to use their brains, and will not see you as anything but an extra. For those of you unacquainted with Hollywood jargon, an extra is the person in the background whom you see, but don't hear. In years past, those were termed "bit parts" and could, at some point, lead to speaking roles and such. No longer is this the case, and with over 100,000 people in Los Angeles with the same dream, getting lost in the shuffle is more often the order of the day than not. No, I am not about to make myself look like an ass solely for the purpose of getting attention -- I don't need it quite that badly, thanks.
In addition, have you seen the "women" on TV lately? They look about 16, their bodies starved and exercised down to skin and bone. Not for me, thanks; I went through my starvation phase in college. Thankfully I found my senses and realized how idiotic it was to starve myself so that some idiot would think I was pretty and worthy of a job. Fuck that.
I suppose this was a rather roundabout way of saying I'm over it. The institutionalized insecurity (thank you, Viggo Mortensen, for that phrase), the insanity of the expectation of appearing to be all of 12 years old, constantly being asked to take your clothes off, having to pay casting directors if you want an audition -- which has Billy DaMota in absolute fits. Look him up on MySpace, he posted his interview with 20/20 a while back.
The most frustrating part, at least from my perspective, is that it isn't personal. On one hand, that makes it easier to take the constant rejection. Your "look" just isn't what they're looking for, your work has nothing to do with it. On the other hand, if it were personal, you could take a class, get new headshots, do a new play, do something to improve your skills that would help you succeed. But none of that matters. It doesn't matter how good you are, it doesn't matter how hard you work. It's a constant reiteration that what you are isn't good enough. Unless, of course, you happen to come from a famous Hollywood family, and someone in said family will give you a job, or call directors for you. It will never be said that nepotism isn't alive and well in this town -- sometimes I think that's the only way to succeed out here.
Anyway, I'm over it. If acting happens to work out for me, great -- but I'm not going to be spending every waking moment on it any more. I'd prefer to concentrate on something I have a chance at success doing. Ergo, writing.
This blog is an experiment of sorts, to help me hone skills gone rusty with years of disuse, and to get back into the habit of writing every day. If it goes reasonably well, I'll be applying for graduate school next fall, which should be interesting. I should probably send an email to my writing prof from college, and see if he remembers me and my work well enough to write a letter of recommendation. One more item on the "To Do" list.
Oh, and I'm learning Persian. :) Khoda hafez!
posted by Akashabreeze | 4:36 AM
2 Comments:
You know I got your back on whatever you decide to do. And if you need a beta reader, just holler. :-)
Love ya!!!
You know I love you. :)
I will definitely take advantage of the beta reader offer. Now if I could just get a hold of my writing prof from college. Hm.
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